i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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