I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We don't watch enough power rangers
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
