I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
