I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
