everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
