sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
