i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
