too bad you live with your parents still
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize