I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
