This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
