remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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