also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
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I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
50% drunk capacity currently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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