we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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