I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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