So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
