Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
