Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I think I just shit out all my problems.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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