How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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