Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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