p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I am midnight drunk by noon
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
