Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
