What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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