everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
