I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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