dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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