i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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