He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My balls are so social today.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
