She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize