Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
