Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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