This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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