If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
