I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
