I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
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I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
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I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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