And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
