Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
