why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
