I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
