Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
