what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
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I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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