When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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