Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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