i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
