But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
