Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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