we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
