Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
