this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
