you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
