When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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