The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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