having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
