like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
