You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.