Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
