The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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