Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
