I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
