I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
