he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
