I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
