today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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