no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
