I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
