hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
