Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
