i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
