can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
