Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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