Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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