Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
This is the prime rib incident all over again
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
