And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
